I broke down crying in the hall. I don't even know what made it happen. One minute I was okay they next minute I was handing my bag to the therapist next to me and running off to the bathroom. For some reason I thought I could control my feelings. I teach people how to cope, so shouldn't I naturally be able to cope? Nope! If I hear people say words my dad used to say, if the grass smells like freshly cut grass, if I hear someone say father, I find myself wanting to cry. Just walking outside means something different. The sky was cloudy today, and I liked it. The darkness felt more like I did, and it was soothing.