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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Why We Reach Out..


At times writing can feel a little overwhelming. I love being a free agent so to say! However, there are some situations that make me feel uncomfortable. Each and every self published author has their own path of fire to undergo. Some of us will put out entire series this year. Others like myself will try to figure out the best way to finish our current books. I will come out with one book this year. At first I thought will I could try to write book three of The Vampire’s Salvation. However, my heart isn’t dedicated to the story enough to carry on with book three. I hate confessing that, but I would hate to bring out something just for the sake of bringing something out even more 

After some of us first learned how easy self publishing was; we jumped at the chance. Some of us are doing better than others. I have seen a lot of authors ask one question over and over! They always ask why they aren’t selling…I think one of the reasons people have problems selling their books is because they write what they think people want to hear. When I was in the beginning stages of writing Blend In Harpy Hill, I knew I wanted to do something different. I love supernatural things, and I love fantasy worlds. However, at the same time, I wanted to deal with real life situations and concepts. I wanted to focus on things that teenagers go through . I was a teenager many moons ago. I was also bullied. I was bullied to the point that I dropped out of school and got my GED. After I got married and had our first daughter I went to college.

I remember what it felt like to wake up in the morning…wishing I was anywhere but in Dangerfield. In the sixth or seventh grade I told a few kids about a relationship that I had with another female. I didn’t think I was gay because I knew I liked boys. However, it made things a little sticky for me. I’m religious and back in those days nobody talked about being Bi anything. I remember the first time I was with a female. I prayed for forgiveness afterwards. I promised to never do it again. Yet I broke my promise, and made the same mistake the very next time. After a while I was able to walk away from the situation completely. I have never seen her since. 

I still recall the names butch, lesbian, gay and the most hated of them all….Bulldiger . I hated the last name the most.  The truth is I didn’t know what I was. I was too young to understand who I was. I later found out that it wasn’t uncommon for girls of the same sex to explore things. However, it was too late. I had already branded myself. I had problems on both fronts! My family was stuck in a cycle of domestic violence while I was trying to figure out who I was.

I guess the reason I’m telling you this is so that you understand my reason behind Blend In Harpy Hill. When you are young you are still finding out who you want to be. We should never let people and their reactions turn us into cruel, and uncaring people. I never knew I would be married and a mother of three. If I had carried through with my attempt to end it all…I wouldn’t be here. At the age of 13 I tried to kill myself. I couldn’t move from the school district, and things at home were horrible. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I thought my only way out was by death. I’m so glad I didn’t take enough of those pills that day. I’m so glad I went back to the counselor and told her about my fears. 

At times we find ourselves in situations that allow us to help others. We find ourselves in situations that give us a little insight. Life is worth it…no matter how horrible things are. In the end you never know what your story will hold…

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