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Wednesday, March 12, 2014


The doctors have told us my father has two weeks to six months to live. I teach coping skills, I have no idea how I will cope with this. So far my best friend has been Benadryl, but I know it can't become my coping method. I can see all the unhealthy things that seem to be flashing like lights in front of me. I have noticed when I feel upset I am reaching for something sweet. I don't have the patience to write anything. When I think about writing, the only vision I keep seeing is a girl standing on a cliff. Perhaps it's me standing on the cliff of losing my father. I can't get the picture of daddy out of my head. When I went to see my dad he was in so much pain. I wish I could have placed my fingers around his arms and soaked it all in. I was afraid to hug him because he looked so weak. At one point I was rubbing his back and he told me to stop because it was hurting him.

I don't understand cancer. How is it able to make the entire body hurt? From my understanding of the cancer tumors inside my father, they are placed in his lungs. I don't understand how a doctor can say 2 weeks to 6 months. I read if cancer was found only in the lungs that the person could have a 50% chance of living. I don't understand why they are saying less than 7 months.

I will try to find out more information as time goes on. I am going back on the weekend. I still plan on planting the garden.

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