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Friday, March 28, 2014

The Funeral is Tomorrow

I am scared out of my mind right now. I don't want to see him in the casket. There's something about putting a person in a box and closing it up that breaks my heart. I should have told my sisters I didn't want to do a open casket. I remember how it felt when I saw my mom for the first time in the casket. She looked so gone. Her light was no longer there. Dad's body looked different, when I saw him on Tuesday. He looked sleep and really at peace. He looked healthy, yet he was dead. I don't know if something odd happens to the body when it lays out past three days, but I know my mom didn't look the same. I want to remember him looking peaceful.

On Saturday he was so ready to go. He was pretty upset as well. He was tired of taking his meds. I told him I was going to tell me oldest sister he didn't take them, and then I saw my daddy come out for a flash of a sec. He sat back and said I'm going to tell my fist on your head. I was like daddy! Then I started laughing. It reminded me of the time we were looking at a movie and a dad, daughter, and son were hanging on a rope. The dad cut himself down so his children would live. I asked dad if he would do they same. He told me we would all have to go together. It was funny. His sense of humor was funny, almost like my daughter's.

In real life he had battled alcoholism, and other demons. However, he was brave. He got baptized after my mom died. I used to pray at night that God would prick his heart to make him go to church.   He rescued a lady and her children from their car after it flipped over on the side of the road. For a second I saw that person this past weekend. It's still hard to believe he died the day after we returned to the DFW.

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