ER Trip

I am getting ready to head off to the ER after I take the kids to school. Last week I started having stomach issues and they are not better. It's hard for me to eat and poop. When I have a BM it is black which means blood is mixed in it. This is not a good time for me to be sick. I am trying to focus on daddy. He was a little better this weekend. He was able to talk to me and I let him see the girls. He told them how much he loved them. He forgot about having cancer. I don't know if we should tell him because when he first found out he was really sad about it. The pain meds are keeping him out of it for the most part. The radiation is only being used to help shrink the tumor on his chest. It is about the size of two golf balls. I caught him looking at it a few times this weekend and when he noticed me looking at him he would shut his shirt. My sister told me he asked her if they caught it too late. Even though I know it's God's will if he's dying, I still want some big miracle our way. I am so scared of losing him. I can't imagine life without both of my parents. Then I think about all those kids who have lost their parents and here I am crying about having mine for 37 years. I feel selfish, but I can't help it. If he dies I can't see myself wanting to be anywhere near here. I will more than likely start back applying overseas. I can't and I don't want to be here without my father. He was the only reason I came back to this area. Well, I'm off to taking a bath.